- A prolonged disagreement with the bathroom scale: I'm now on week 8 of no scale movement. That little tidbit of information right there does little for patience and motivation. Unfortunately, I started finally letting it get to me and I'm sure that didn't help my cause to end the vicious cycle.
- A new boss that is absolutely impossible to respect: My long time work buddy who also happened to be one of my managers left for another group and her replacement is a complete douche. I tried to give the poor sap the benefit of the doubt but it's been about six weeks now and he's just undeniably incompetent and so ridiculously wreaking of self importance that it makes him stink.
- My grandfather died: With that came a discussion with my father who I haven't spoken to in almost a decade. And in a couple short weeks, I get to attend his service as he earned full military service benefits during his career as a pilot.
- Hubby just graduated from college: The last quarter is always the hardest and I knew that would remain true in his case too. I wasn't wrong. He was crazy busy with finals and group meetings and papers and everything. We were planning his graduation party. His very unpleasant grandfather was a house guest for a few days. His father who also doesn't like me was there for the entire thing which did little for my already frayed nerves. Did I mention his mom? She's always a treat. Basically, his entire family dislikes me because I'm the evil bitch who stole him away and poisoned his mind with my sinister agenda. Whatever.
- Self esteem: With the weight loss problems lately, the estranged family, hubby's family, graduation and all the emotional baggage that dumped on my unsuspecting head, feeling like a complete failure for quitting on my guitar, feeling like a complete retard because I can't quite figure out how to control my limbs with wheels attached to my feet, being pissed off and irritated that I allow myself to get financially raped at work while I watch monkeys throwing their cash around...I pretty much became my own worst enemy.
- Vacation: We decided to take vacation because if I didn't get time away from everything and everyone, I might have been on the Oxygen channel with a full 30min profile about how I seemed like a nice wife and friend until I freaked out and killed everyone who looked at me.
I tried to remain composed and mindful and take care of myself body, mind, and soul through it all but I guess it was just too much for my little self to handle. I turned into the Grinch that stole my own sanity. Seriously, self torture at it's worst. I won't even repeat some of the things that were going through my head because, well, because I just won't. Embarrassing, disgusting, and unnecessary TMI.
The bad news is that my stress told my logic who was boss and the resulting bad attitude took me down.
The good news is that my actions didn't change. I may have been a negative black hole but I maintained the food and exercise through it all. This is where the reflection and gratitude comes in. A year ago, one of those items above would have been enough to send me running for the fridge without even realizing it. I use to emotionally eat without even realizing it. Now, I have enough self awareness to believe without a doubt that food in any flavor is not going to make me feel better and enough self control to choose what I know will help me and enough self esteem to feel good about it.
The last time I had a tiny bit of stress after losing 20lbs, I ate a slice of pie and didn't stop for 2 years. When I was done, I had gained back 35lbs. This time, it took me 8 weeks to feel renewed and the damage done is a whopping 0lbs. I'm rounding down of course. I stepped on the scale on Sunday and it showed a gain of 0.6lbs over the last 2 weeks. But, BUT....it's period time so I'm going with 0lbs lost and 0lbs gained.
And that is what I'm proud of for today.
For the LHAS purposes:
0lbs lost
320 minutes of exercise
