LOL, PLANS, HA! - Buuuubye

Check THIS out!

Ahhhhahahahahaha!
Me and my brilliant plans.

My plan was to lose 24lbs between May 5th and today.
How did I do? Guess.

Starting Weight - May 5th, 2010

Current Weight - August 25, 2010

 Let's see if my big brain can do the math.
 162.6
-161.0 
 001.6

Woooo doggie! I'm a winner. Wiener? Whiner? WINNER!
I only missed the mark by a smidge.

My plan was to exercise 5,760 minutes.
How did I do? Hehum.... I.... um...... well..... kinda stopped keeping track.
At last count, I had done an average of 5 hours per week when my goal was to do 6 hours. Chances are I stayed pretty close to that.
I'm going with 4,800 minutes. Safe guess.

Now for the glaring dissatisfaction in all its glory....

Before

Aren't I the happy camper right out of the shower?
After. Yuck.

Before

After? Looks exactly the same...just unhappy.

Before

After

There you have it! All the very unflattering and embarrasing pictures of a disappointing end to My Long Hot Active Summer challenge.

Too grim for you? Me too. So I have good news.

Measurements:

Although the scale didn't change much (you'll notice the weight on 8/15....hehum...no comment...TOM...hehum), the measurements did change a little. Nothing ground breaking but all in the right direction anyway, all except the abdomen measurement which I think I just screwed up. Oh well.

I have also learned a great lesson through all this I think. PLANS SUCK! There it is. Now I have properly birthed my brain child for all the world to enjoy. You're welcome.

No seriously though, I plan. That's what I do. I plan everything. I enjoy planning. But all too often, my plans end up for shit. They very rarely work out how I um...plan. Instead of planning and setting clear goals and defining every step of the way, I'm choosing to take a step back. If the universe has its own plan for me, so be it. I shall see the forest. I shall listen to the whispered hints on the breeze. I shall follow the subtle signs of encouragement in one direction or another, even if it appears to stray from my PLAN. Quite regularly, people who experience joy and success in their lives also experience a series of happy accidents preceeding the rewards. Happy Accidents, welcome.

In other news:
Say goodbye to Becoming a Thinner, Sexier Me. That's right. It's done. I'm retiring this here blog and focusing my blog time and attention 100% over at Living Active. Please come over there and follow me. Pretty please? With sugar on top? I'll be your friend forever and ever. Whatever....just do it.

Mmmmkay. Bubye.

Reading Deprivation

This is a challenge that I wasn't prepared for nor is it one that I'm enjoying at all. What's the challenge? Reading deprivation. I've already announced that I'm participating in the Artist's Way 12 week program to unblock my creative genius hiding deep within me. I happen to be on week 4 right now and one of the exercises it suggests is to stop all reading for 1 full week.

I immediately knew I had to do it. The moment I saw the bold type at the top of the page with those two words jammed together to make such an ugly statement, I thought to myself, "I hope those words don't mean what I think they're going to mean". Much to my disappointment, they did. A strong reaction one way or another is typically a sign that I can definitely benefit from such an exercise. The challenge is to go a full week without reading anything. Emails, books, newspapers, web pages, BLOGS. I'm suppose to cease all reading.

The purpose of the challenge is to remove the distraction from coming face to face with our deepest darkest thoughts, feelings, desires, and disappointments. The author of the Artist's Way suggests that people who are creatively blocked tend to use reading much like others might use television, movies, drugs, sex, shopping, or any other avoidance behavior to not have to fully face the truth in ourselves. I thought, "I don't read obsessively, that doesn't apply to me". Not so fast...

• I can gobble up a classic book in just a couple days
• As soon as I'm done with one book, I'll return it to the shelf and immediately select another in the same breath
• I've recently started reading multiple books at a time
• Until yesterday, I was reading The Artist's Way, To Kill A Mockingbird, Before Green Gables, and The Art of Racing in the Rain. 
• I can easily spend 3 hours a day just reading my favorite bloggers (that's in addition to reading one or more of the books listed above)
• I was almost in tears, faced with the idea that I wasn't going to be able to read for a full week

Um....obsessive much?

And last week, going through the weekly exercises for The Artist's Way, I was feeling like maybe it has stopped working in my life. Another sure sign that I need further challenge. So, I resigned to the challenge at hand and am less than embracing it for less than a specified amount of time. Translation: I'm trying it but only until I decide to stop. One day down (and a painful day it was), six more to go? Who knew that not reading would be so difficult. 

Chica likes to read too. How can I resist?

All this to say that I won't be reading your blogs and sharing my witty and encouraging comments with you all this week, my lovelies. :( Sad sad sad. It is with a heavy heart. I'll be back soon though. Promise.

BIG NEWS!!!
I have decided to stop writing this blog. I repeat, there will be no more Becoming a Thinner, Sexier Me blog after tomorrow's last LHAS update. I'm not going away for good. I'm just going to retire this page and focus all my attention over at Living Active. Please come follow me over there. I could seriously use the support.

Weigh in Day #43/ LHAS - 14 of 16: Mental Plateau

What can I say? I couldn't decide on one title for the post so...you get three.

Last Week: 158.8
This Week: 158
Total Loss: 0.8lbs
Mins. Exercised: 180

I'm WAY behind on my goals for the year. Like so far behind that they've already shut down the lights, unblocked the streets, taken down all the banners, the cops and onlookers have all gone home to their families, and people are looking at me funny wondering why I'm dressed like that with a number on my back.

My goal was to lose 1 lb/week. I knew it was lofty but still attainable so I'm not upset I didn't get there but...not getting there and barely leaving the starting line are two different things.

According to the goal, I would be looking for 135.4 at the next Sunday weigh-in this weekend. My current weight as of last Sunday was 158. That's 22.6 lbs off the mark.

It's been 43 weeks. 179.4 starting weight. 158 current weight. 21.4 total loss. 0.5lbs loss per week. The scale basically hasn't moved much since April. I was 162 in April and just dipped below 160 two weeks ago. Ugh.

I've been putting off looking at those numbers.  I've been putting off looking at other things as well, which is probably what has been causing all the stupid stress and stubborn scale in the first place. Good thing I'm dealing with it all now. The scale is moving again. Slowly, but it is.

I know, it's super slow but it's permanent. I'm changing my life and that takes time.

You know what I realized though? I realized that the last time I was this size was before I got married. I couldn't seem to break the 160 mark back then. Then I got all down on myself and started eating pies again. The good news is that I have no ideas about eating pies or giving up this time. I am a little disappointed in the progress. I mean, that's normal right. Who wouldn't be? But I'm not depressed about it. It is what it is. It's my body telling me that I need to better manage my stress. I need to make decisions in my life that support my true desires. I need to live in harmony with myself, not in obstinance.

I don't think the 160 mark was a physical plateau. I think it was a mental one. There's something in my head holding me back. The mean person up there just doesn't think that I can weigh less than 160. Why? Why 160? Why? Maybe I just got comfortable there. Comfortable in my misery that is. Maybe it was just the right weight for my brain to feel comfortable in not pushing myself, not facing the self defeating crap that I tell myself, not standing out to anyone as horribly obese but not having to defend myself about wanting to hide from bathing suits either. At 160, I can still participate in most everything life has to offer but I still have a convenient excuse if I'm afraid of something or doubt my abilities for whatever reason. At 160, I feel invisible. Not fat enough to be ridiculed. Not thin enough to be considered normal. Perfectly invisible.

Maybe it's a stretch. I don't know. Just a theory anyway.

Enough whining and complaining. The good news?

• I'm under the 160 mark for 2 weeks in a row. Ya baby!
• My shoulder is finally feeling better so I'm going to hit the skating rink again and start flirting with some weights
• I'm totally dealing with EVERYTHING on a daily basis now so the stress seems to be under wraps for the moment
• Because I'm dealing with everything and managing stress, I'm seeing a lot more movement in life circumstances that I've been unhappy with for a while. Amazing how that works. :)
• I'm making good progress on my August goals. It's definitely not perfect but I'm making strides and that's what counts.

They say that perception is everything. I believe that. My perception of myself and my surroundings was tainted with the poo-stained glasses I was wearing. I took off the shades and all of a sudden, I see things clearly. What perceptions do you have that are doing you no good? What are you doing about it?