Sally, who's sixty-eight, and two hundred pounds overweight, said, "the emptiness always seems to me to be about not being loved for who I am. Unconditional love. Something I didn't experience as a child; nothing I did was ever good enough for my parents. If I could unlearn the guilt, and begin to learn to love myself unconditionally, maybe I'd be able to stop the food addiction. As a child I snuck food into my room to cope with the physical and emotional abuse; it was my source of comfort."
The brain records experiences and wishes in images, not in words. The imagery of this myth, of being reunited with the perfet unconditional love object who gives, understands, accepts, encourages, guides, and adores us, is the same bedrock image that drives all of us to have and keep and work on our intimate relationships. We're always working toward, but never reaching, that goal of having a perfect source of love in adult life. Unconditional love is a rare and short-lived experience usually found only briefly and intermittently, in the parent-child relationship. When relationships fail to provide us with that feeling of unconditional love we so desperately crave, as they always will, then we go looking for it somewhere else. For some it's in alcohol, for others it's in sex, and for you, if you're reading this book, it's probably in food.
We insist on getting from somewhere or someone the unconditional love we're certainly entitled to have. The problem is that the sense of entitlement and reality clash. We're left in a stubborn and self-defeating position of insisting, waiting, and always being disappointed. In this area of our life, we live in denial.
Even now, as I read it again for errors, I got to the last paragraph and felt that familiar tug in the back of my throat. Eyelids realizing the presence of gravity chose to rest a moment before fulfilling my intention to read what I'm writing. I bolded "as they always will" myself because to me it just says that it's an act of insanity to keep expecting and hoping that my husband or my friends or my family could ever give me that feeling. I, like most all people I suppose have always just wanted that feeling and I always thought for some strange reason, I was the only person on the planet denied the opportunity to experience such sweetness.
How true the author's statements actually are, I can't say as I'm always and forever a cynic. What I can say though is that if I choose to believe the truth in this passage, it might just free me and my loved ones for that matter of the unrelenting desire to continue to pursue that feeling at all costs from an outside source. This is a new concept to me. One that I could never have imagined possible in my wildest of imaginations. Could it really be? Could choosing to believe this concept and act accordingly really free my husband from the impossible expectations I've unknowingly placed on him? Could this knowledge really set me free if I apply it?
The brain records experiences and wishes in images, not in words. The imagery of this myth, of being reunited with the perfet unconditional love object who gives, understands, accepts, encourages, guides, and adores us, is the same bedrock image that drives all of us to have and keep and work on our intimate relationships. We're always working toward, but never reaching, that goal of having a perfect source of love in adult life. Unconditional love is a rare and short-lived experience usually found only briefly and intermittently, in the parent-child relationship. When relationships fail to provide us with that feeling of unconditional love we so desperately crave, as they always will, then we go looking for it somewhere else. For some it's in alcohol, for others it's in sex, and for you, if you're reading this book, it's probably in food.
We insist on getting from somewhere or someone the unconditional love we're certainly entitled to have. The problem is that the sense of entitlement and reality clash. We're left in a stubborn and self-defeating position of insisting, waiting, and always being disappointed. In this area of our life, we live in denial.
Even now, as I read it again for errors, I got to the last paragraph and felt that familiar tug in the back of my throat. Eyelids realizing the presence of gravity chose to rest a moment before fulfilling my intention to read what I'm writing. I bolded "as they always will" myself because to me it just says that it's an act of insanity to keep expecting and hoping that my husband or my friends or my family could ever give me that feeling. I, like most all people I suppose have always just wanted that feeling and I always thought for some strange reason, I was the only person on the planet denied the opportunity to experience such sweetness.
How true the author's statements actually are, I can't say as I'm always and forever a cynic. What I can say though is that if I choose to believe the truth in this passage, it might just free me and my loved ones for that matter of the unrelenting desire to continue to pursue that feeling at all costs from an outside source. This is a new concept to me. One that I could never have imagined possible in my wildest of imaginations. Could it really be? Could choosing to believe this concept and act accordingly really free my husband from the impossible expectations I've unknowingly placed on him? Could this knowledge really set me free if I apply it?
I also bolded the first sentence of the second paragraph because it explained something that I've been experiencing. I just wanted to share it with you because I'm really quite proud of myself for it. Lately, when I do my gratitude list in the mornings I've also been walking myself through my day in my head. I visualize myself getting to work and cheerfully bidding people good morning. I see myself eating the healthy meals I've prepared and not even showing the faintest interest in all the goodies lining the counters in the staff kitchen. I see myself end my work day with a smile just as I started it. I see myself get in my car and head straight to the gym with no other thoughts in my head, I'm just going to the gym because I want to and it makes me feel good. I see myself go through the routine of locker selection and changing and walking through each and every activity I have planned for that day whether it's a yoga class or the elliptical machine or weights, I watch myself do it all. Then, when I'm done with the gym, I see myself go home and fix my planned meal, practice my guitar, and all the other things I like to do. Finally, I see myself peacefully lay my head down on my feather pillows and gently slip off to sleep.
I don't know what prompted me to start doing this but I did and I have been feeling well...amazing, like I said yesterday. When I saw that sentence above, it made me smile because I realized that I've been running all these successful and enjoyable pictures through my mind. I've seen The Secret and read about laws of attraction before but for some reason, it just didn't click that that's what I was really doing until I read this book last night. No wonder I'm having so much success and feeling so great and am so blessed with really wonderful people in my life now. Who needs the illusive unconditional love when you've got self-love and happiness right at your fingertips. Oh how powerful you can feel with so much opportunity dancing on your fingertips.
What a lovely dance it is.
1 comments:
Salina, you are so right. You must love yourself, first of all. From that, all else flows.
You've been awarded the One Lovely Blog award. Stop by my blog to pick it up.
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