I Did It! Water, you're going down.

Oh yes, I'm the winner. I've been sucking down that water all day like it's ....well... water. :) I'm at 60oz already and still going. And I'm totally in a hot tea kind of mood tonight. I think I'll curl up with some tea after I get back from yoga.

I totally started the day off just right. After squeezing every little drop of sleep out of the night, I got up and made my lunch, got ready for work, and headed out the door. I'm the type that has more than enough entertainment in my head so I typically drive to work in silence. I don't play any music or talk radio most of the time. Every once in a while I will but for the most part it's silent. Lately, I've been wasting my silent me time. Not today. Today, I spent my entire drive to work saying Thank You. I even put my whole heart into my thank yous. So much so, that I almost got a tear a couple times just realizing how much I appreciate all the wonderful things and people in my life. It was a perfect way to start the day and I felt great all day long.

Let's see, what else.... ah yes, the calories. I ate 1,400 calories today, three meals and a snack, no more no less. It wasn't the neatest way to go about it though. I didn't have time to prep the Jillian Michael's Master your Metabolism menu today because I was too busy squeezing that sleep as mentioned above. But, I did have tons of healthy left overs in the fridge so I just threw something together and did a pretty damn good job if I say so myself. I also already went to the gym today. I did interval training on the treadmill. First, warm up a bit then run to get the heart rate up in the high 160s or low 170s and hold it for a couple minutes then recover for a couple minutes letting my heart rate fall to 125-130 and doing it over and over again. I ended up with an average heart rate of 140 for 55 minutes. Nice! I'm going to the yoga class I love tonight too so that'll make it a perfect day for calories in and out not to mention all the wonderful self care stuff that I said I wanted to start doing.

I haven't meditated yet today but...does yoga count? I haven't practiced my guitar yet either. I'm going to do that the moment I'm done with this post. :) Took the vitamins and tracked my progress. I also found a new book that I want to read. It's called Shrink Yourself and it's all about why people tend to emotionally eat and how to stop the vicious cycle (sound familiar?). There's actually a web site dedicated to it and I checked it out. Unfortunately though, it's a program. I'm not much of a "pay a fee and follow our program" kinda gal though so I'm not interested in that but I know tons of people are. I did however order the book from my book club membership and I can't wait to read it. I checked out the first couple pages on Amazon and am already hooked. It asked a few questions to help determine if you happen to be an emotional eater and guess what....I AM. Shocker.

Great day! I feel awesome! I'm happy, I'm as peaceful as I think I know how to be, and I'm actively participating in making my dreams come true instead of white knuckling everything I don't have any control over. It's amazing. :)

Here is the website for the program if you're interested: http://www.shrinkyourself.com/

Here is the book.

My Other Problem(s)

In yesterday's post, I talked about hormones being one problem. Now what about the rest? Well...I can sum it up into two words. Bad Attitude.

It's true. I've had a bad attitude for as long as I can remember. I'm serious. I think the first memory I have of my bad attitude dates back to when I was seven years old. Seven? Wow, writing it down as a confession just seems sad doesn't it. Seven year old kids are suppose to be playful and carefree. Not me. I mean don't get me wrong, I had my kid fun too but I also had a darker sarcastic sense of humor that has only developed more as I have aged. Thanks dad. :)

I've been called all kinds of things because of this so called bad attitude. Bitch, cruel, mean, negative, angry, evil, Satan (as a joking nick name once upon a time with friends). Yes, I've had all kinds of therapy over the years. Believe it or not, I'm waaaayyyy nicer and happier now than I once was. :) hehe.

Today, a very good friend of mine decided to give me a little evaluation on what she thinks my problem is and why I have the silly cycle of working my butt off then sabotaging myself. It was welcomed of course. She read my blogs and said "you just seem kinda angry in some of them". So that's it...I'm still an angry person? No, that's not it...at least I don't think that's it. Here's the list:

• Angry


• Control Freak


• Set and push myself to outrageously high standards


• Too analytical (with my spreadsheets tracking my calories in and calories out)


• Too much stress


• I'm just an intense person


• Oh and don't forget the possible hormone issue

Wow, I'm a mess. I'll admit that yes I have control freak tendencies, yes I set high standards and I expect myself to push to achieve them, yes I am analytical, yes I am stressed out, and yes I'm definitely intense. I'm not sure if I would still consider myself an overall angry person though. I think I get situationally angry. I mean I don't just wake up angry and stay that way all day every day. But, I do or can be in a perfectly lovely mood and someone or something can just irritate the shit out me and poof, I get angry.

Honestly, I think most of my problem lies in the control freak tendencies and a lack of peace in my life. At the beginning of the year, I decided I wanted to finally learn how to play my classical guitar. I've had it for several years and tried a couple times by myself but never got the hang of it. So I found a classical guitar instructor that I just love to death. Colt Valenti. I've been taking lessons every week with him. One of the things that attracted me to the classical guitar and learning to play classical music is that it takes a level of emotional peace and relaxation to play well and improve with practice and time of course. Emotional peace and relaxation have never been my strong points, so I thought, learning to play would help me harness those things and bring them into my life on a more consistent basis. It did. But, I've just noticed a pattern I have with that as well. When I'm all wound up and intense or stressed out or angry or whatever, I avoid practicing like the plague.

Solution time. I'm a solver. Don't like to dwell on the why and where did it come from too long. I prefer to find a solution and take action.

1. Practice my guitar more because when I do, it makes me happy :)


2. I've been telling myself for months that I want to start meditating regularly. Start.


3. Every morning on my way to work, I try to run through a gratitude list. Sometimes I get off track and other times I'm great at it. Do it.


4. Yoga is another thing that brings me right back to earth when I'm all wound up. Do more.


5. Read more. I came across another blogger who seems to be in a bit of a rutt too. I commented on one of her posts and in my comment, I suggested a book that I swear has magical powers for pulling my head out of my ass when I need it. Time to pull it out again. The book that is...well I suppose my head too. :) The blogger. The book: The Secret of the Ages by Robert Collier.

BTW...Thanks BV! Love you so much it's retarded. :)

I do like comments and feedback so don't be shy...the few of you that actually read my drivel.

My happy place. :)