Last Week: 158.8
This Week: 158
Total Loss: 0.8lbs
Mins. Exercised: 180
I'm WAY behind on my goals for the year. Like so far behind that they've already shut down the lights, unblocked the streets, taken down all the banners, the cops and onlookers have all gone home to their families, and people are looking at me funny wondering why I'm dressed like that with a number on my back.
My goal was to lose 1 lb/week. I knew it was lofty but still attainable so I'm not upset I didn't get there but...not getting there and barely leaving the starting line are two different things.
According to the goal, I would be looking for 135.4 at the next Sunday weigh-in this weekend. My current weight as of last Sunday was 158. That's 22.6 lbs off the mark.
It's been 43 weeks. 179.4 starting weight. 158 current weight. 21.4 total loss. 0.5lbs loss per week. The scale basically hasn't moved much since April. I was 162 in April and just dipped below 160 two weeks ago. Ugh.
I've been putting off looking at those numbers. I've been putting off looking at other things as well, which is probably what has been causing all the stupid stress and stubborn scale in the first place. Good thing I'm dealing with it all now. The scale is moving again. Slowly, but it is.
I know, it's super slow but it's permanent. I'm changing my life and that takes time.
You know what I realized though? I realized that the last time I was this size was before I got married. I couldn't seem to break the 160 mark back then. Then I got all down on myself and started eating pies again. The good news is that I have no ideas about eating pies or giving up this time. I am a little disappointed in the progress. I mean, that's normal right. Who wouldn't be? But I'm not depressed about it. It is what it is. It's my body telling me that I need to better manage my stress. I need to make decisions in my life that support my true desires. I need to live in harmony with myself, not in obstinance.
I don't think the 160 mark was a physical plateau. I think it was a mental one. There's something in my head holding me back. The mean person up there just doesn't think that I can weigh less than 160. Why? Why 160? Why? Maybe I just got comfortable there. Comfortable in my misery that is. Maybe it was just the right weight for my brain to feel comfortable in not pushing myself, not facing the self defeating crap that I tell myself, not standing out to anyone as horribly obese but not having to defend myself about wanting to hide from bathing suits either. At 160, I can still participate in most everything life has to offer but I still have a convenient excuse if I'm afraid of something or doubt my abilities for whatever reason. At 160, I feel invisible. Not fat enough to be ridiculed. Not thin enough to be considered normal. Perfectly invisible.
Maybe it's a stretch. I don't know. Just a theory anyway.
Enough whining and complaining. The good news?
- I'm under the 160 mark for 2 weeks in a row. Ya baby!
- My shoulder is finally feeling better so I'm going to hit the skating rink again and start flirting with some weights
- I'm totally dealing with EVERYTHING on a daily basis now so the stress seems to be under wraps for the moment
- Because I'm dealing with everything and managing stress, I'm seeing a lot more movement in life circumstances that I've been unhappy with for a while. Amazing how that works. :)
- I'm making good progress on my August goals. It's definitely not perfect but I'm making strides and that's what counts.
