Weigh in Day #40 - What? Fear? Excuses? Bahhhh

I have a bunch to blab about but let's just cut to the news right off, shall we?

Last Week: 160.4
This Week: 159

What? What's that? 1.4lbs gone baby, gone!

I've got my fingers crossed that it's not going to be a repeat of last week and 2 months ago where I was teased with the 150's only to find out later that it was a cruel joke. I feel good about it this week though. I really do. I feel like I've legitimately earned it not only with the food and exercise but with the stress management as well because we all know how psycho my body is about any stress.

Now for the blab.

Have any of you been reading about MizFit and her NoExcuses stuff? If not, I highly recommend it. Good stuff. Well, I decided to jump on that band wagon and ride it till the wheels fall off. So here's what I'm going to do. I've got a couple fears that I'm going to discuss but one of them is more about my fitness stuff so I'll be talking about fears and excuses both here and over at Living Active.

I've chosen to address two fears here.
1. Writing
2. Career

I've been saying that I wanted to write a book since, well forever really. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a scientist and wear a white lab coat. I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to be a ballerina. I wanted to be a multilingual interpreter for the government (I know, I was a weird kid). And I wanted to be a writer. Somewhere throughout the years, I managed to get over the scientist and the astronaut dreams. I didn't focus enough on learning all the languages so I kissed that career path goodbye. And I'm not built for ballet so that was just not going to happen. But the writer thing has always stuck with me.

Every time I find myself soul searching because I happen to be bored or unhappy with a job, I pray. In the prayer, I ask for a sign to tell me what I should be doing with myself. I ask for the sign to present itself in a message that I cannot ignore. "Please make it huge and blinking and neon so I don't miss it" I say. I have yet to see a huge blinking neon sign that says "SALINA, IT'S TIME TO WRITE, NOW!" but I do hear a voice in my head delivering that message every time I pray. I hear the inner voice and yet still choose to ignore it. Why? Um.... because I'm scared. 

The excuses I make:

• I have no idea what to write about
• I don't even know how to write
• There are a million wannabe writers out there, what makes me think I'm special
• Even if I had something to write about, I don't have the first idea how to organize my thoughts to start
• I feel like I need to dedicate myself to writing and I'm always so busy with other things

The ridiculousness:

• No idea what to write about, how to write in general, or how to start? Seriously? 1st off, those are just lies. I have a list of book ideas that slowly grows over the years. I do know how to write, I just haven't even tried getting started. And if it really is a matter of education or lack thereof, that's easily remedied. TAKE A FREAKIN CLASS! Join a writing club. Do something, anything. Just start.
• Wannabe writers? Um...every published writer started out by being a wannabe writer. No one is just going to come knocking on my door to offer me a book deal if I never write anything.
• Me, not special? Whatever! That's another line of BS. I've never met anyone else that has had my life experiences before. Nor have I met anyone that shares the same twisted views of the world. Whether I want to believe it or not, I'm unique and I have plenty to contribute.
• Busy? Time is a subjective concept. By that I mean that we have plenty of time for the things that we decide are priorities. If we want to make time for something, we do it. If we don't, we don't. If there hasn't been any time in my life to dedicate to writing, then it's because I haven't prioritized writing accordingly. Time is all within my control.

I've been in my current professional role for almost 2 years now. Not very long in the grand scheme of things I will admit but for me, it feels like a lifetime. It's not that I'm unhappy where I am. I like what I'm doing enough to not be miserable. And I adore the people I work with and for. Really, I've got a good thing here. So what's the problem? Why bring it up? The problem is more that I'm bored and severely underpaid. I've mentioned in other posts that I get bored fairly quickly and work is no exception. I require constant growth and challenge and education to keep me engaged. Once I feel stagnant or that I've figured something out, I'm done with it and ready to move on. I had my job figured out and mastered at about 6 months. Then I realized that there was really nothing else for me to learn or do to grow my position. Obvious question: Why not just leave? Um....fear.

Excuses:

• I have no idea what I want to do with myself
• I don't feel like I know anyone that can help me get to somewhere I don't know I want to be
• I don't want to be stuck in Seattle forever. I want to travel and live elsewhere.
• I don't want to take another "job" and be bored again in 6months
• I don't want to put a bunch of work into networking and resume revising and hunting if I'm going to watch it all fall apart AGAIN

Ridiculousness:

• I dedicated myself throughout my college career to pursuing a very specific path that relied on the state of the economy then when the economy went in the toilet, so did all my plans and hard work because the jobs were just gone. That made me feel like a complete and total failure. The truth is that it wasn't my fault. I didn't know that was going to happen.
• Not knowing what to do with myself? Again, it's just a lie to hide behind. My education and many years of professional experience point me in a very clear direction. It's just not the direction I originally defined for myself so I've chosen to ignore it.
• Not knowing anyone who can help me? Another lie. I know people who can help me. I just haven't asked them. Why? Pride. Fear.
• Geography. I don't even want to address this one because it's just stupid. Not looking for other work is keeping me stuck in Seattle. Talk about self fulfilling prophesy. And really, what's so wrong with Seattle anyway? Well, rain and lots of it.
• Being bored again? Aren't I already bored? Yes. Duh...
• Scared to waste my time and effort again? Well, first of all, it wasn't a waste of time. I learned a lot and gained even more experience. Transferable knowledge and skills are valuable no matter what happens around me. And secondly, failure only exists if we don't try. Another self fulfilling prophesy? Me thinks so.

So now the question is: That's nice, but what are you going to do about it?

Writing

1. My favorite Bombshell is going to be starting an online artists way group. Count me in!
2. Find and sign up for a writing class maybe
3. Pick something from my list of book ideas to start writing about
4. Schedule time for myself to write
5. Write!

Career

1. Revise my resume
2. Reach out to my network and ask for help

Come and check out my fitness related fears (Punk Rope - Excuses! Excuses!) over at Living Active. Don't forget to vote for the August activity of the month.

Okay, now it's your turn! What goals, fears, excuses have you been struggling with? What have you done or are you planning to do about it?