Fine Line Between...

I've been thinking a lot about self awareness lately. It seems to be on other's minds too. I've read a couple blogs where people are talking about core issues, struggling with thoughts, disordered eating, soul searching, and other such things.

At first, when I read these posts and others, it made me sad. But then I thought about it some more and realized that these struggles are a good thing. So many people unfortunately believe that weight loss is a simple matter of counting calories and will power. "Sheer will power will get me through this". Will power may take you a ways on your path and determination will fuel it but to go the distance and find happiness, I think we need far more than that.

I've done the will power approach before. I lost 40 lbs and was feeling amazing. Then something happened and I gained it all back. It doesn't matter what happened or what the circumstances were. It's different for everyone. But we all have similar reactions to various happenings and circumstances in our experiences. We internalize and we eat. We might get resentful. We might get depressed. We might judge ourselves too harshly. We might become victims in our own lives. We might blame it on others around us to avoid looking at ourselves. We might......

When we're fighting subconscious urges with will power, we will always lose in the end. We don't gamble without first understanding the game and expect to win so why would losing weight be any different. If we don't understand what makes us tick and why we do and feel the things we do and feel, how can we fix it?

I'm really excited to see this trend of self reflection and soul searching in the land of blogz. It tells me that more people are getting it. It tells me that more people are going to find their true selves and true happiness and the balance we all desperately want in our lives so that once we do get to our goals, we don't have to feel like prisoners of our choices.

I consider myself fortunate to already have a good number of years behind me of some serious soul searching and analysis of my psyche. I tend to forget that others haven't been down that path yet and some never will.

I think there's a fine line between true self awareness and justification. Those of us that have chosen to grab this goal by the throat and strangle it to death with our will power will soon and probably again find defeat, self loathing, sadness, anger, disgust, disappointment, and mental and emotional exhaustion. OMG have I been there before. Geez!

I know that each of us has to find our own path. I know that we all come to it in our own time. I understand that not everyone will find it with the same enthusiasm. I appreciate that we are all different and complex in our own rights. I celebrate our differences. I think it's the differences that helps us each grow. Sometimes though, what we might call a difference is really just our subconscious way of justifying our self defeating behaviors and thoughts. I think it takes a solid pair of balls to really get to the truth in ourselves. So many of us have spent our lives hiding from others and hiding from ourselves. Whether it's been with using food, or humor, or sex, or anger, or isolation, it's all the same. At least it all has the same effects.

I challenge myself far greater than I challenge those around me. I do this out of love and concern for myself and for others. When I choose to challenge, I do so with the expectation that we all can learn from each other. Not one of us has all the answers. Sometimes it's what makes us the most uncomfortable that is going to give us the most freedom if we choose to seek the truth. It just takes courage.

Thank you to those of you out there displaying your courage and searching for your truth. I love to read about your experiences and struggles because I see light at the end of the tunnel and I know that you will all find your happiness along the way. Crossing my fingers that I'll be among you.