Self Doubt Doody-Head

Okay, I've got something on my mind that I just think I need to put in black and white so I can deal with it directly once and for all. Ready for it?

Here it is.

I'm scared. I made a decision a little over a month ago that I haven't been acting on. There was a six hour session of jumping rope and running relays. There was a teacher training certificate involved. There are some books. There is a test in my future. Ringing any bells? No? Okay, I'll remind you.

So here's the follow up to that post. I decided that I definitely want to teach the Punk Rope class on the side a couple times a week. There are a few logistical things that must be taken care of first though. I don't have any personal trainer or group fitness trainer certifications so if I were able to start my own classes somewhere in Seattle, I would be putting myself at risk for law suits if anyone hurt themselves. And if I decided to approach other established gyms to let me teach, they (for the most part) require some sort of certification too.

I have the permission to teach Punk Rope but it looks like I need to do some studying. So, I looked up the different certifiations out there and compared them. I decided on the ACSM Certified Personal Trainer program. I ordered the books. I got my CPR class taken care of. Now all I need to do is study and schedule the proctored exam.

Like most analytical people, I'm a planner. Upon receiving my books, I quickly opened them up and put together a study schedule for myself so I can take the test in January and start the class first thing in 2010. I figured that if I would read 20 pages per day and leave a few days to take a couple practice exams, I could easily meet the goal. That was on November 5th. I read 20 pages on the first day and the second day. Then....well, I don't have to spell it out for you do I? Okay fine! I stopped. I haven't touched it since.

Why?

The first two chapters were introductory of course. I opened up the third chapter and it started throwing crazy physical motion terms at me and my eyes got wide and I'm sure they jumped right out of my head and then back in before I really knew what happened. I realized right there that I don't know shit about the body. I'm going to have to make flash cards and really dedicate myself to learning anatomy and whatever else in order to prepare for this test. I don't have any experience with that stuff. I'm a numbers girl. I count money. I play with spreadsheets. I make business decisions. I put investment portfolios together and plan for retirement and reallocate 401Ks. I don't know what supination is. Oh shit! What have I gotten myself into?

Then the self doubt hit me. Yes, that ugly little bugger came a knockin' and I opened the damn door.

Rat-a-tat-tat-tat!

• Hello?
• Salina?
• Yes. Who are you?
• It's me you silly self confident fat girl. Duh!
• Oh....hi. What do you want?
• Well, I think we should have a little chat about what is going on in your head right now. Do you really think it's a good idea for YOU to get a personal trainer certification? I mean really? You're fat. Stupid.
• Ya but, I'm losing weight. I'll be thin soon enough. And I'm healthy and active so who cares if I'm still over weight.
• What do you mean who cares? Everyone will care! You judge trainers in the gym. You won't even consider hiring a trainer in your gym because they don't look like they're in the best shape. How in the world do you expect others to take you seriously? I mean SERIOUSLY!
• Well, I'm not going to be a personal trainer in the gym. I'm going to teach a fun exercise class.
• And that's different....because?
• Um....
• That's what I thought. Maybe you should just get it out of your head. I think it would make more sense for you to focus on losing that weight then when you get to your goal, you can pick up the books and go for it. Sound like a better plan?
• Um....
• Alright then, it's settled. See ya!

I totally steamrolled myself. Logically, I can see this clear as day. I know it's ridiculous. I know that I'm just scared. I want to do it anyway. I want to prove my naysayer wrong and be proud of myself. I know I can do it. I know I'm smart enough to learn whatever I need to learn. I'm not scared of the test. It's 150 questions. I've taken harder longer tests than that before. Anyone ever take the series 7 exam? CPT exam has nothing on that bad boy, I'm sure of it. And I've had enough naysayers in my life. I don't need another one in myself. I've always pulled up my big girl britches and showed them right where they can stick it. Why am I having so much trouble doing it now?

I know I just need to power through and bitch slap that little bugger if it ever dares knock on my door again. Being honest and totally vulnerable here...I'm scared. I've still got that little voice in my head saying that I'm totally insane for even considering it.

So, what am I going to do?

First, I need to start the positive self talk around this subject...obviously. Secondly, I need to pull out the book and dig in. Just do it damn it!

So there you have it. This is me.

What are you afraid of? What do you do to overcome it?

Weigh in day #3

Okay guys. Here's the deal.

This weekend was a bit hectic for me as is true for most people I'm sure. I was anticipating a nice weekend where I could just poke around do whatever I wanted with leisure. That's not exactly how it happened. I was mostly disappointed with Saturday because I didn't get to go to the gym and had to do my meal planning for the week. I've been trying to do the meal planning during the week so I don't have to waste my weekend doing it but slacked on that so that was my Saturday morning activity. Then, off to the grocery store to replenish the stock of fresh and healthy foods.

By the time I got all that stuff done (after sleeping in a bit) it was time to head to my guitar lesson. I wasn't looking forward to it because I didn't practice as much as would have liked and when I did practice, I felt like my first time picking up my guitar. Something in me just seemed to have forgotten how to hold the damn thing let alone produce a lovely piece of classical music with my artfull arpeggio patterns. So I was dreading it actually. I hate going in there and not being able to just wow my teacher with how wonderful I'm doing, always the good student.

I got home just in time to roll up my sleeves and get to cooking dinner for a couple friends coming over. We're not really the big Halloween celebration kind of people so didn't have any plans to go to a party or dress up or anything. We were just going to lay low for the night but ended up having a small dinner party. I made a kind of spiced beef stew thing but it wasn't as spiced as I would have liked. That's what I get for trying a new recipe from a new cookbook I guess. Now I'm starting to rethink some of the meals that I've planned for the week as there are more to come from that book. We'll see. Maybe it was just one dud and the rest will be delish.

My lovely friend T informed me that she has NEVER made a pie before. NEVER? Nope, never. Wow. So she brought over a sugar pumpkin and we proceeded to make a pumpkin pie from scratch. I mean SCRATCH. No canned pumpkin here people. Oh no. We started with the actual pumpkin. Same is true for the crust. No store bought crusts. Phooey! Nope. I love making crusts so I taught her my secrets to make it nice and flakey.

So dinner was the wierd wish-I-was-spicy beef stew stuff with quinoa, and red wine, followed by pumpkin pie for desert. Not to worry all, it was all accounted for. Calories tracked and within my daily allotment. Yay! It's not Halloween without the Rocky Horror Picture Show and we just happen to own it so we put it on and exposed T's boyfriend to the beautiful Tim Curry. Not sure if he will be back to visit anytime soon.

Oh, and we got 2 trick-or-treaters. We NEVER EVER EVER get little munchkins begging for candy. We bribed them to come again next year by giving them a whole hershey's chocolate bar each. HA!

Then yesterday was THE day. It was the day for Punk Rope baby. Oh ya! I'm in love. It's true love I just know it. Well, it will be true love again once I am able to use my calfs. I'm going to talk all about my Punk Rope adventures over on my other blog because that's the "fitness" blog. So, if you wanna learn all about my adventures in Punk Rope, please see Living Active. I haven't done it yet but will be updating today and more this week. WooHoo! And PS, I was jumping rope and playing tag and doing alllll kinds of activities for about 6 hours yesterday. Too bad I forgot to wear my heart rate monitor.

Okay, I think I've tortured you enough with my boring mundane thoughts on life. Time for the reveal. It's a big one. Ready? Ready? Okay, now I'm just mean. There's no big reveal. Last week, you remember that my scale was being a dirty liar and taunting me with it's electronic attitude problem? It was flashing between 173.8 and 175. Well, this week, it decided on a number...174.2. Not sure which but I either went up a little or down a little. I told you, I just don't trust the damn thing. I think it doesn't like me much.

That's the news on the scale. But here's where it gets good. I pinched some fat and found that my body fat percentage went down. Well, if your body fat percentage goes down, and your actual weight goes up, that means more lean body mass. You mean I'm building muscle? Oh ya.

Here's how the numbers break down depending on how you look at it:
Last week, BF% was 39.15 and yesterday it was 38.9%.

If you look at it like I gained weight (.4lbs from 173.8 to 174.2) it's .28lbs of fat lost, and .68lbs of muscle gained.

If you look at it like I lost weight (.8lbs from 175 to 174.2) it's roughly .75lbs of fat lost, and LBM stayed the same.

I LOVE weight training. Now I just need to have a little chat with this new muscle and let it know how much I would appreciate it's added effort to help get rid of the clinger-oners, fat, people, keep up with me here.

Alrighty then...that's all I've got for now.

Happy Monday everyone.

Oh soooo tired

Sorry no post yesterday or today. Spent all day today at Punk Rope workshop, now I'm home and totally pooped. I'm pretty damn sure I successfully burnt my 400 calorie goal. I definitely drank my water and took vitamins today. I ate the healthy meals too. I'm working on my tracking stuff right now so that'll be done tonight too. I'll probably read a little before I pass out tonight. And I think that's about it for today. My brain is just as dead as my body so that's going to be it for me. After good sleep tonight, I'll be back to my normal self tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a lovely Halloween weekend. What did you do?

An Amazing Day

Today was just a great day. I'm riding on the weekend high after a kick ass weigh in. I still can't believe I actually lost 5.6 pounds last week. It feels so good to be in a positive place and as energized and excited as I am with everything that's going on. I just hope I can hang onto it as long as possible.

So here's what happened today:
1. Calories burned today = 667 oh ya!
2. Drank 60oz so far today and will probably drink another cup of tea tonight. :)
3. Ate my 3 squares and snack. Dinner was awesome. Turkey burger with a jalapeno, lime, cilantro sauce. Yum!
4. Was very thankful today.
5. Took my vitamins.
6. Tracked my progress. Total deficit today with all those calories burned was 1,241. Schaaaweeet!

Here is what didn't happen today:
1. Didn't do yoga but it's not on the agenda for Mondays so that's fine.
2. Didn't meditate today either. I need to figure out how to stick it in my schedule somehow. So far, I haven't done that.
3. I haven't read or played my guitar yet either. I'll be doing both of those as soon as I'm done with this post. Practice for a half hour or so then read before bed.

Now, why was today such a great day?

My regular work out buddy and I are both doing really well. Actually, we were talking at the gym today and we are both feeling like something just clicked. All of a sudden, our bodies and our minds are catching up with what we are wanting. She was able to run for 2 min intervals today which was totally awesome. So proud of you pooky. :) I think my breakthrough is more about my attitude but that helps EVERYTHING. Just ask my husband.

I also have to tell you about something I'm super stoked for. I recently learned about an exercise class called Punk Rope. I looked on the website to see if there are any classes offered in my area because I was thinking of making it my activity for either November or December on my other blog. Unfortunately, there is nothing offered in the state of Washington. So, I contacted the Punk Rope people and found out that there is a teacher certification workshop being held here in just 2 weeks. So...I signed up for it! Looks like I'm going to be a certified Punk Roper. I'm sooooo excited I can't even tell you. I'll be blogging about it in my other blog if you want to know more. There is also one post over there about Punk Rope already. There's a video to show you what it's about if you're interested. It's super high energy and fun. I can't wait.

Happy Monday. :)