Risks, Fears, Opportunities, Lists

My favorite Bombshell has written a lovely blog today all about fear that keeps us from blossoming into the people we can be.

I hate hate hate to admit this because I am SuperWoman afterall but I have quite a few stupid little fears and doubts that keep me from taking some of the risks I could take. Just yesterday, I was talking to Hubby about feeling listless lately. I'm just bored. Bored with work. Bored and disgusted with the money I make. Bored with family. Bored with friends. Bored with hobbies. Bored with blogging. Bored with food. Bored with exercise. Bored. I'm bored with everything.

I've always felt and said and thought that I'm supposed to have a big life. There's something waiting to just unfold in front of me somewhere on my path but I've been hanging out in a comfort zone so I haven't quite rounded the corner to find whatever it is that's waiting for me.

So the question that pops into my mind is why. Why am I just hanging out? What's keeping me from skipping forward with joy and freedom? What am I afraid of? What can I do to set myself free? I guess that's a couple questions actually.

I'm feeling a little jumbled so...lists. :)

I'm afraid:
That it's going to become undeniable that I'm in the wrong life.
That I'm going to realize that I don't fit where I am nor where I think I want to be.
Of even more rejection than I've already experienced.
To let people down.
To commit to something having no freakin' idea how to do it.
Of regret.

I'm tired of:
Selling myself short.
Wasting my time and energy on people that aren't willing or able to invest in me.
Settling for what others think is good.
Living where I live.
Doing something that I don't care about...professionally.
Watching time pass by.
Making shit money.

Risks I can take:
Throw myself into looking for other work
Packing up my life and moving with or without a plan when I get there
Figure out what I really want to do with my life then just do it
Write one of the books that I've been wanting to write for the past 10 years
Move forward with an idea to make Living Active a career
Start building a business (even though I have no idea what kind of business I'd want to do)

What I need:
I don't know. Help?
It would probably help to know exactly what I want. What I thought I wanted and what I worked for for years and years all fell apart a couple years ago, so now, I'm just treading water until something comes along that looks like it'll fit.

What I want is:
To sell my house
To live in NY
To travel
To be able to play my guitar
To be multilingual (and keep it: I've learned multiple languages but never use them so I forget)
Adventure
Fun
Friends with ambition and interests that don't revolve around which diaper warmer they should register for
Money and lots of it
To make a big difference somehow, somewhere
A car that I don't feel the need to kick and call names
Freedom
Sex, sex, and more sex
To be a published author

If you don't already know this about me, allow me to inform you: I am an analytical driver personality which means that I'm a planner through and through then I take quick and severe action. That's just how I roll. Why would I share this little factoid with you? Because I'm preparing to end this post without a plan and without taking any action at all and I'm feeling very uncomfortable with it. I think I need to let this all sit for a little while to let the juices redistribute before I try cutting into it. I am by no means done with this little exercise though. Stay tuned...

P.S. Any advice or feedback you have about my little situation is always very much appreciated.

P.P.S. Notice that none of my complaints or fears above had anything to do with losing weight. That I have under control and am feeling fabulous about.