Oh Christmas Tree....Full Moon

There she is. That's our lovely Costco prelit Christmas tree. Her name is Silvia. We actually put it up yesterday. And yes, that is a santa hat on top. Who says you have to put an angel up there? There's another silly rule imposed on everyone. I don't like those, I think we all know that by now. I challenge them. I don't do it intentionally. It's not like I sit around pondering all the silly imposed societal rules and decide which ones I find acceptable and which ones need to be challenged. No. I just tend to go against the grain by nature. I've always been like that. Naturally resistant.

Here's a story. When I was a baby/toddler or whatever, my mom tried to get me to give up my bottle. I didn't want to do it, of course. So she tried telling me that I'm a big girl now and big girls don't need bottles anymore. Like I'm falling for that one...psha. My response to her ridiculous attempt was to guzzle my bottle as fast as I could. I sat in my rocking chair, tilted my head back, and sucked it down without even a break. As I was doing this, my mom was telling me not to and that I was going to make myself sick. Since when did I ever listen to her? NEVER! I did it anyway, of course. I promptly finished the bottle, then vomitted all over myself and my favorite rocking chair. Well....that pissed me off for sure. My mom, being the wise mom she was, sat there (probably snickering under her breath) and watched as I got severely pissed off. Then, I got up and stomped my way into the kitchen. I approached the kitchen cabinet under the sink, grabbed the knob, which was right at eye level, pulled the door open, and with the force of a thousand tiny little Salinas slam dunked that stupid bottle into its final resting place, the trash. I showed that bitch who was boss and the boss was NOT my mom.

My parents always told me that they could have predicted my personality the moment I left the womb. I was breech and refused to turn, forcing an emergency C-Section. Kiss my...what? Yup, that's me, bare ass and all. Can you handle it?

Nook Update (nook as in corner of a room or a small recess or a secluded or sheltered spot)
Yes, I'm using my nook. It works! It's amazing. I was feeling down the other day and I grabbed my favorite quilt, my favorite dog, my favorite hot tea, and my book (Persuasion), curled up in my favorite comfy chair next to my favorite lamp and read about 35 pages. 35 pages of Jane Austen's Anne Elliot is quite a lot actually. I think if I had to be an Anne Elliot I'd lose my mind. That girl is so dull and boring, I don't know why Jane would choose to make her the heroine. Oh Jane, what were you thinking? 

I think now that Silvia is beautifying my living room, I'll move my nook in there. I'll put a faux log in the fireplace, toss all the throw pillows on the floor in front of it and grab the dog and the blankie and my fuzzy soft hat and read some more tonight. Doesn't that sound nice? Yes, I think it does.

But first....I'm kicking some serious ass at the gym. Oh ya. Hubby is gonna get it. I'm gonna make him cry. He's gonna squeal like a little girl and beg me to stop. Muhahahahaaaaa! Muhhhahahahaaaa!

Okay, that's enough randomizing I think. Did I totally bore you to death? Sorry.

Oh, I lied. One more random thing then I'm done for sure.
I am still doing all my daily items for success. Well, kind of. I haven't been practicing my guitar or getting enough water or meditating. But I'm doing the rest. I'm not giving up though, that's what I wanted to share. I'm still at it.

December, Nook, Confession, Pictures (what? I couldn't decide on a title)

Good morning everyone. Thanks for the couple comments yesterday. Frannie and Sue, you're the best. ;)

At the beginning of the month, I mentioned my nook. Do you remember my nook?

My nook was built to protect myself from these stings that I'm feeling. I was really hoping I wouldn't feel them. But I am. Big time. And I must be honest with you all right now. I haven't used my nook at all. I've just been shuffling around in circles like I've been looking for my glasses that have been right on my face the whole time.

Full Confession:
I haven't practiced my guitar
I have been doing half-assed thank yous
I haven't meditated at all
I haven't been getting all my water
I haven't been taking my vitamins
I didn't track all my meals for the weekend
I didn't blog over the weekend (I was out of town, no laptop)

Nook Related Confession:

I haven't been using the fireplace

I haven't been using the fluffy blankets and pillows

I did finally start reading Persuasion though :)

There hasn't been much wine in my nook

No hat either

Pollyanna is always around but I definitely haven't cuddled up to her in my nook

Conclusion:

No wonder I'm feeling all the stings. I'm not doing anything to prevent or treat the wounds. Okay, I won't go that far. I'm doing some stuff. But I could be doing much much more. Obviously! I mean look at my lists above. Those are all things I could be doing in addition to what I'm currently doing to help me help myself. Instead, I've just been stewing in my own self deprecation. So counterproductive.

Yesterday, I was so ready to get a good workout. I wasn't able to weigh in on Sunday like I normally do because I was in a cabin on San Juan Island and I'm sorry but they just don't come equipped with bathroom scales. I stepped on the scale yesterday morning but I hadn't done my weigh-in day ritual so I just don't trust the number. It said I gained one pound but the math just doesn't add up. I'm assuming that I stayed the same and my body will catch up to the math this next weigh in. Anyhow, I was totally ready for a good work out. Then when I got off work and was heading to the gym, I started feeling really quite icky and lethargic. I didn't want to talk myself out of going if it was just depression or PMS or something so I went anyway. I got on a treadmill and was barely moving when I started sweating like a pig. Hmmm...that's weird. I kept on it for about 20 mins until I just couldn't even walk anymore. No energy whatsoever. So I decided maybe I'd try to do some weight training. That always makes me feel strong. I went to the weight-assisted pull-up machine and started doing pull-ups. I normally do 3 sets of 12 and struggle through the second and third set but the first set is no problem. Yesterday, I couldn't even make it through 6 pull-ups. I gave up. Of course, I wanted to keep going. I hate feeling like I'm not on my game. I wanted to push myself. But I had work out buddy and hubby there, one in each ear, telling me to just go home and rest. So I did. I listened. I want it noted that I listened you two. P.S. Thanks. :)

I don't remember what my point was going to be. Oh well, whatever.

Here are some pictures of where I spent the weekend. Such a lovely little getaway. I want to go back.

Hello and Good bye

Good bye to November. Oh sweet, luscious November, how I did fall in love with you so. With all your beautiful colors and music. You are brutally honest and delicately sensitive all at once and I just adore that about you. I don't think there has ever been such a November before. At least not one that I appreciated as much as I did you. I am filled to the brim with joy in how you delivered your music to those brave enough to listen. Till next year...bye bye.

And Hellllloooooo December.

December tends to be a bit more mischievous in its ways. It has in many years past successfully drawn me in to it's warm cozy family loveliness. I see the light in the distance and the smoke bellowing from the chimney with the sound of sweet laughter in the air. Oh how lovely, what can be happening over there? Is it family fun and joyfulness? How I long for a sense of family and yet cringe at the thought of it at the same.

The moment I peer through the frosty window to see the children playing and the fire blazing behind the thick glass screen, I immediately want to be invited in. So I knock...knock, knock, knock. A few moments go by and then it happens, the door opens and I immediately feel the warmth on my face from the love inside. But, uho...it's not for me. I've got the wrong house I suppose. They look like my family. They sound like my family. But, apparently looks can be deceiving.

December stings of all the things I long for and cannot have. December challenges me in my emotional well being, in my resolutions, in my belief in myself, in my acceptance of people as they are, in my boundaries, in my clarity of mind, heart, and soul. This time, I'm equipped. I'm prepared to whip out what tools I have and use them to build myself a nice warm cozy little nook. I've decided that my nook must have a few items in order to be sufficiently mine. Would you like to know about my nook? I'm going to share it with you anyhow.

Nook is going to be about 15'x10' in size. It will have lots of fuzzy blankets and fluffy pillows of course. That's first and foremost. I mean, what else could be more important? My nook will have either a space heater or a fireplace. I haven't quite decided yet. I'm just not sure if I will want to stoke the fire and fetch wood. Actually, that sounds rather pleasant. There isn't much else in the world that can send me into an instant trance like a flirtatious fire. Okay, it's settled. I will have a fireplace. Then, there must be a stack of classic books. Let's see, which books should I choose? Little Women, Persuasion, Emma, and Oliver Twist. That should take care of that. Oh, and if I still have time after Oliver Twist, perhaps I'll finally get to reading The Phantom of the Opera. Can you believe I've never read it? I can't. It must be done.

What else? Oh yes, wine. There must be wine in my nook. I'll need a fuzzy hat too. Nothing better than sitting in front of the fire under a dozen blankets with a glass of wine, a book in hand, and a warm fuzzy hat on my head. Now that's a cozy nook. Just what I need for December the deceiver.

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you. You're invited to my nook too. After all, I'll need all my wonderful friends. You are all indispensable for sure. But, please do mind your manners in the nook. It's for coziness and the warm fuzzies so leave your drama at the door before you enter. No shoes either if you please. Shoes are just offensive in such a cozy little place.

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot. I'll have to have my guitar. NO, we won't be having any sing-alongs. Absolutely not. Now that's just cheesy. Playing my classical music makes me happy though and what is a nook for if not for creating and supporting happiness. I think that should cover it for now. I have a terrible feeling that I'm forgetting something very important. What could it be? Oh well, I'll think of it later I suppose.

That's enough of that nonsense now. How's about we get down to the business of fat burning? Okie doke! I'm breathing new life back into my tired little Living Active blog. I've been slacking on the blogging part of it lately and I believe it to be feeling a little lonely. That is about to change. Know why? I'm going to be doing at least weekly updates on my activities and all the horrible torture I'll be putting myself through. This month is kickboxing. Yup. I said I needed something high impact and that's what I'm doing. I'm committing to twice a week classes and maybe even 3 depending on the week and my schedule. Who's with me? Slackers. :)

Alright, that's it for me.

Hope you all had a fabulous holiday weekend and are back to your life of doing the business that makes you proud when you look in the mirror. If not, what are you waiting for? Do it now!

Oh, it's Pollyanna. She MUST be in my nook. I mean, how could she not?