Last week, I weighed in one pound heavier than the week before at 165.4 lbs.
This week, the scale shows 163.6. That's 1.8 lbs down from last week. WooHooo!
I'm proud of the work I did all week. I kicked ass at the gym. Tons of cardio and a couple great days of weight training. Last week consisted of elliptical fun, racquetball, roller skating, swimming, yard work, free weights, machine weights, and lots of ab work.
Okay, now I want to talk about something that has been on my mind.
Body Image
I've heard the term I don't even know how many times, as I'm sure you all have. But what does it mean? And what is the intrinsic meaning within ourselves?
Here's the meaning according to the dictionary: an intellectual or idealized image of what one's body is or should be like that is sometimes misconceived in such mental disorders as anorexia nervosa.
Some of the mental disorders around body image include anorexia, bulemia, dysmorphia, binge eating, and compulsive over eating.
To me, body image is about how closely the image I hold of myself in my head matches what I see and what others see in reality. I, like others I'm sure, have felt relatively accurate in my own body image. But then I experience a moment of clarity or I'm given the gift of hind sight. How about a little story?
When I was about 13, because that's about the same age all girls start to become sensative about their bodies, I thought I was the fattest fat girl in the world. I would stand in front of the mirror bare naked, looking at myself from all angles. I'd poke and pinch at my fat wherever I could find it, thinking that I was just disgustingly fat and should be ashamed of how fat I was. I'd cringe and make faces, look myself in my eyes and shake my head in utter disappointment.
Looking back on that girl in the mirror, I realize now that she was so wrong. She was disillusioned about her body and the changes and what to expect and what was normal. She was no different than 99% of the rest of the girls in the world but she felt as if she was the only one on the planet feeling the way she did in that moment. That moment led to years of dieting and what became a very unhealthy relationship with food and with myself.
I kept that image of myself with me until, well, very recently. I would look at myself in the mirror and criticize the person I saw. I would judge myself as lazy and gross and unattractive. And of course if I thought that about myself, I was absolutely sure that everyone else must be thinking it too. I mean, that's only common sense right? NO! The truth is, others don't really pay enough attention to our bodies to care most of the time because they're too preoccupied with their own self image.
Now, I feel healthy. I feel strong. I feel fit. I feel confident. I look in the mirror and instead of seeing harsh judgement and disgust in my eyes, I see hope. I see faith. I see acceptance. I can honestly say I love my body. I love how I feel. I love that it can do all the things I ask of it. I love that it's getting stronger. I love that I can see my cute little wrists and ankles getting smaller. I love that my husband can't keep his hands off my ass. I love that I finally love my body.
What changed? Where did this new body image come from? The answer: I don't know. I have an idea but I can't say that I know when the change happened or what exactly did it.
The 13 year old girl in the mirror was 5' tall and 106 lbs. She was confused, uneducated about her own body, and knew nothing about self care. The 32 year old woman in the mirror today is 5' tall and 163 lbs. I am not only 20 years older but I find myself highly educated about my nutrtion, health, and fitness. I also actively participate in bettering myself emotionally and psychologically.
In my opinion, self care is the name of the game.
